What happens when EMS becomes so distorted that it is embarrassing?
Things get silly.
By silly, I mean the satire starts off simply, but then becomes a multi-layered satire that deserves its own Wikipedia page. There is no page, yet, or is there?
Kelly Grayson started us off with an article about EMS cliches.
From the blank stares I got from all assembled, I realized that none of them had ever seen Bull Durham. So while I educated them in the Tao of Crash Davis, I started thinking about the clichés we spout in EMS. Every cliché has at its root a central truth; that’s how they get to be clichés in the first place.
But nothing is so good as a well-placed cliché as a substitute for real wisdom and knowledge. Just insert one of these babies into a social media comment thread and watch the “Likes” pile up!
. . .
If you learn to use these simple EMS clichés, I guarantee that you will develop a reputation as a paramedic sage in no time. Especially to people who don’t know better.
You’re going to have to read the full article yourself. Polonius would have been skewered several acts earlier if Kelly had been there, but this gets better.
Then Happy Medic turns up the satire by responding to Kelly.
8. “We cheat death.” We do, daily! I have a T-shirt with the Grim Reaper being slapped in the face by a bad ass medic with sunglasses and everything. You are so narrow minded you can’t see how we bring the dead back everyday. Epi works Kelly!
Go read the rest, too.
Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; – Thomas Jefferson.
Finally, Tor eckman takes it to Eleventy!!11!!! in the comments.
I also teach them to think and look for clues on scene, like just last week I got to see the lights come on in this “newb” Paramedic when he wasn’t going to spinal a patient in a MVC until I had him walk down the bank and look at the car, after seeing the mechanism he came back up, told the patient that he was lucky he wasnt paralyzed for walking up the bank. We did a standing take-down right then and there. By the time we got to the hospital the pt had pretty bad back pain, can you imagine if we hadn’t put him on the backboard? lawsuit. So go ahead and make fun of the noobs, I’ll take them and teach them.
I think that someone should Call the Cops for all of this abuse of the witless, because the giggles just keep on coming.
Maybe, but Tor eckman is a character from Seinfeld. Tor eckman is a ridiculous alternative medicine practitioner, much like our ridiculous EMS providers who do not understand what it means for a treatment to improve outcomes.
Go spend some time reading the comments on social sites and you will see that this might not be satire, but somebody should take credit for it if it is satire – and somebody should be ridiculed for it if it is not satire.
 The stupid EMS cliche usage guide – Using phrases like ‘We cheat death’ is so much easier than actually thinking
September 30, 2013
The Ambulance Driver’s Perspective
by Kelly Grayson
Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.
The site’s description of Poe’s law appears to qualify as a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing. Or is it the real thing that someone will mistake for parody?
Will Andrew Schlafly wait until his mother is dead before he admits that he was just trying to please his mother, just not as violently as Norman Bates? Or is he the real thing that someone will mistake for parody?